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Posted on 2009.03.24 at 03:18
Current Location: Fairfax
I FEEL: nostalgicnostalgic
This is nutty.

Bling Love

Red Bicyclette

Posted on 2008.04.09 at 03:24
I FEEL: drunkdrunk
Lindsay asking a random guy parking on Kingsbridge to open her beer bottle, resulting in a the black dude with dreads opening her beer with his teeth.
Asking "Camel pinkies" and Lindsay stealing an explosion of surlpy right in front of the 7-11 guy explaining to me that it's the way they do it in the west coast, with a candle and incense lit in her car while driving.
7-11 guy laughs.
I want to live on the west coast.
And this girl is awesome.
She is my mentor for living life.

Weird dreams.

Posted on 2008.03.28 at 04:55
I FEEL: contemplativecontemplative
Banging/nudging satellites out of orbit in space.
Then trying to fling then back into orbit in their correct coordinates on the surface of the earth.

Weird dreams.

Posted on 2008.01.22 at 12:32
I FEEL: impressedweird'd ooout
Kitty is playing kitty scarf and she is warm but kind of heavy. She's also smacking me in the face with her tail.
I had a really long and elaborate dream about Europe (again).
It was mostly about beers and the future.
I kept buying and looking for beers and saying "beers" in my dream even if it was one.
Probably because i had a yuengling right before i feel asleep in bed.
And in the dream i kept asking this dude if it was a dream or if was real because it seemed really real.
I opened my eyes wide and looked at every detail in the time warp we were in, including the floor which was made up of random moving pictures.
Then i made out with some random boys and decided it was real. Kinda.
Then we were in the future in this huge building. Ben was supposed to give a speech in it.
I started singing opera and was so amazed of my own destiny (i was some big deal opera singer) that i fell over.
Some old lady came to my side and appalized that she was late and wanted to give me 7 cents or something.

In short memory of My. Jerry Mouse...

Posted on 2007.12.03 at 04:17
I FEEL: sympatheticsympathetic
Me and Ben brought a poisoned mouse home, knowing it would die, but having false hope it would live... somehow.
I saw it and screamed MOUSIE MOUSIE MOUSIE!!! Noticed it wasn't scared of me, just drinking from a puddle of water. I knew that was bad news.
Katie Anderson warned me that the last time she brought a mouse home, it lived for a while but started bleeding from it's eyes and other orifices, and died shortly after.
He was surprisingly calm, his little lungs working hard, his tiny veins clotting from the poison.
We had faith in him because he would realize once in a while that he was in a 12 ounce cup filled with napkin shreds and he would freak out a little bit, and then zone out again.
When we got home i put him in a little 'kritter karrier' (totally made that up) with a tiny cup of water, newspaper and toilet paper, a carrot, and one ritz bit.
Ben said the mice liked peanut butter, but i don't believe him.
I put him on top of a heating pad hoping it would thin his blood out or something, make him feel cozy.
Ben blew some weed smoke into his cage a few times, hopefully that would ease his suffering.
A few hours into being in his new and final home, he moved around, hopelessly, with one side paralyzed from the blood not reaching his brain.
Climbed into his water cup and couldn't get out. I tipped it over. I don't think mice like being in water too much.
He laid there for a while, in a puddle of water, just how i found him.
Jerked a little. Struggled for life.
I went into the next room to discuss options for humane euthanasia.
I came back and found him on his side, not breathing.
Relieved that he wasn't suffering anymore, me and Ben took him into the backyard at 3:24 in the morning, me in my slippers.
We chucked him far into the ivy-floored woods off a napkin.
And that was the journey of Mr. Jerry Mouse.

I thought i might immortalize him in this post.
He was pretty cute.

Disclaimer: Jammin' Java does not have mice.

A new era?

Posted on 2007.11.09 at 02:16
Current Location: New house.
I FEEL: contemplativecontemplative
I'M LISTENING TO: Bjork - 5 Years
Well. Live on my own now, with Ben and his friends. It's going pretty well. Working my ass off. But it's worth coming home to a DVR full of Scrubs, Ace of Cakes, L.A. Ink, and Ghost Hunters.
I'm getting a raise.
I started up Squidlicking again. Makes me feel like my life is has settled down. With all that upheaval.
I feel lost though. Lost from my roots. My family, my country, my best friends. Like i'm the only one left standing from what used to be like a year ago.
I'm listening to Bjork and dying my hair. It just brings me back to everything i was pushed out of so fast, childhood mostly. It's comforting though.
This is ideal. But why am i still unhappy?
Not SO unhappy. But i feel like a lot is missing from my life.
Less then before.
I think i just miss Poland and my Mom horribly. And my Dad some, and my sister.
I just feel like i'm drifting away from who i am. And like, nothing is familiar and welcoming and comfortable.
It's a strange feeling.
I need a create a nest again.

Home, sweet home.

Posted on 2007.09.06 at 23:31
I FEEL: ecstaticfuck yes!

We found a place to live! The boys signed the lease today. I'm going out to sign it tomorrow. We move in monday. It's in Oakton, i don't know where exactly, i haven't seen it yet but Ben says i'll love it. I've been celebrating by drinking boxed fancy wine (is such a thing?) and watching the blind superhero movie. 2 times, in a row.

God we've been waiting for this forever! I'm so fucking excited i probably won't sleep til then.

Also my dad said he would pay for me and Ben's ticket to Poland this winter. I got really excited about that. I've been preparing my "wear lots of clothes before you go outside because the Polish believe that body heat is sacred and it's disrespectful to lost it in front of them" speech.

Ben's trying out the assistant manager job for day shift. So far so good.

I'm trying to get out of the habit of thinking that after something good happens (or several good things at a time), something bad happens right after. I just don't feel worthy of it i guess. Things just line up in a sequence of cause and effect, and you never know what causes what and what will effect what. My problem is control. So much that i wish i had control over the future.

But i need to let go and think positively.
Because this is fucking awesome fucking news!!!!!!!!!!
Best news i've had in a llllong time.
And i'm so ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM READY!


Posted on 2007.09.03 at 23:13
I FEEL: drainedmy organs hurt

My new favorite thing.
The Whitest Kids U Know.


Posted on 2007.09.02 at 02:09
I FEEL: jubilantfucking awesome bitches
So on top of my headcold i get a UTI gone wild in my kidney. I woke up the other morning with a blunt stabbing (possible?) pain in my lower-middle back. It hurt so bad i was delirious with pain and tried googling hospital and ER a million times until Ben came and got me. It stopped when i took an advil, laid down and smoked a cigarette. Like out of no where. He took me to the doctors and now i'm on antibiotics which make me tired and groggy. I feel like the infection is moving down because now it's hurting in the front and lower.
Having your kidney hurt is like the most uncomfortable thing over. It's just weird to feel it. Worst pain ever. Now it's starting to hurt when i talk about it, lol.
But it should clear up soon. At first i thought it was a kidney stone. Similar symptoms. Not sure at this point, but maybe it's moving through and that's why i can feel it traveling. So weird. I don't know. But i'll be ok.

There was a party for the newly wed Daniel Brindley and wife today. Ben drank too much too fast and then asked me if i wanted to marry him. I think it was "You wanna get married?". Haha. Not the first time he's asked me that. I always ask "Are you proposing to me?" and he's like "Yea, i guess." Dr. T says we're next to get married. Ben says one year i say 2.
Ew. I know sorry guys. I'm just warning you...

But we are all going to Poland this winter holiday for Christmas and Emilia's engagement party. Me, Ben, and my Daddy. I'm so excited!!!

Fuck everything life is fucking badass.
Despite kidneys and housing situations and shit.
Fuck that. Whatevs.
I have an amazing boyfriend and the best family.

Yanna Skully


Posted on 2007.08.28 at 01:36
I FEEL: contemplativecontemplative
I woke up sick today. Work was horrible. Ben was in charge and let me take it easy. But with luck, countless cups of tea, 3 cups of airborne, advil, and cough drops will help this thing go by faster. I really hope i feel better tomorrow.

We're still looking. I'm so tired of it. Drains me so much for some reason. I wish me and Ben could make enough money to live alone.
Oh and he asked JB if we could get a discount for our wedding at the Jam the other day :] JB said no :[ We'll see.
Sometimes i really think this is going to happen. There are just these priceless moments in each day that i want to keep with me forever. Just these little tiny things about him i couldn't live without. We talk about it so much, our future. It seems extremely realistic and and mostly serious. 2 years can go by fast, i told my dad. When i said i'm thinking about it. He got a little freaked out, then gave Ben a hug tonight when he came and got me.
Which by the way i can hear my dad playing Call of Duty on his computer and saying things like "shut up..." and "fuck you!" to it.

I really want to smoke a ciggerate but it'll make it worse.

And i really should sleep.

I'm so in love with him.
It's fucking redonkulous.

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